This story is a very personal one and frankly something I didn`t know if I would share. This is a story of self discovery as well as one of resilience.
I was a happy child up until I hit elementary school. In grade 5-6-7 I was picked on and bullied either for my weight or just the way that I looked. And the sad thing is that a lot of the bullying came from people that I considered friends. I was considered a nerd or a geek because I liked school and I enjoyed learning about lots of things. I was bullied on a daily basis until I decided that enough is enough I don`t need to take this. I was in grade 7 when I got into my first and only ``fight`` if you can even call it that. Another girl who I again had considered a friend at this point decided to say things like ``the ground shook when I walked by`` and some other things that I don`t want to relive. I walked away at this point and left the situation thinking okay its over and done with but she followed me and started shoving me trying to get a reaction. My reaction was to shove her to the ground and tell her to leave me the h*ll alone. She tried to egg me to hit her but my sister was there and said its not worth it and pulled me away from the situation. I got detention for this but I actually felt that I had accomplished something. I felt that I finally stood up for myself and it felt really good. The rest of grade 7 went by uneventful. Unfortunately it wouldn`t last. When I hit grade 8 I was bullied again almost always about my weight. This lasted for about 2 years before the bullies got bored with me because I had learned that I don`t need to react. My last two years of high school were amazing, I had made more friends I had learned to love myself (at least a little) and I was actually happy.
The year that I graduated and went to university started out really good. But it quickly turned when my mental health started to change. I was then diagnosed with depression and anxiety. This changed my university experience because I completely withdrew from social life and even missed classes because I simply didn`t want to go. I stayed for another year but then switched schools and got a certificate in early childhood education so that I could work with kids, which was the only think that tended to make me actually happy.
This was amazing for almost 5 years. Then I lost both the jobs at the daycare's I worked at and my mental health went down like crazy. I found myself in a pit of despair and I didn`t think I was ever going to get out of it. I cried almost everyday and this went on for a month.
When I found my nanny job I was so happy. My self confidence came back I started looking into the future and being excited about what I could do. I started to look at myself differently too. I was happy when I looked in the mirror I wasn`t pointing out all my flaws like I had before (I did however hate the acne I seen haha) I actually was happier. I finally took control and started doing things to better my life. I started eating healthier and taking care of myself. I started loving life again.
Now looking back on the harsh things that I experienced in the past I am happy with how things turned out. Yes I was bullied and yes I was unhappy most of the time. But now I am happy with my life, I am able to see my worth and build my confidence up rather then letting people tear it down. I know that I am not perfect but I am happy and thats all that matters.
If you are experiencing self confidence problems please don`t hesitate to reach out. I don`t want you to suffer in silence like I did. I wish that I would have reached out to someone and gotten some help on how to deal with the way I was feeling rather then wait until I was 23 to have a solution.